1-Evil-Dead-BEST-hires-Banner

Some Brief Thoughts While Watching The New Evil Dead

1

Brief Thoughts is a recurring segment here at Goodspeed & Poe in which our writers bring you their deepest, darkest, and mostly unfinished thoughts while watching a film that is otherwise not interesting enough to warrant a deeper post. And with that brief introduction, let’s get to today’s film, 2013′s remake of the classic Evil Dead. Spoilers await below.

  • Just to be clear, I’m going into this expecting to hate it. That is where I’m beginning.
  • Things aren’t starting off on the right foot. The film opens with a sequence that feels a bit too much like something out of a Rob Zombie film for my tastes as a father and a bunch of inbred redneck looking dudes “purify” a girl that has been tainted by the book by burning her at the stake. I’m now worried.
  • Hey, that guy kind of looks like Ted Raimi. (Editor’s Note: Upon consulting IMDB after the film, it was not Ted Raimi. It totally should have been though).
  • Alright, with that rocky opening out of the way, we’re being introduced to the group of kids spending their weekend at the cabin in the woods. Thankfully, there is no one named “Ash” in this group. A very wise choice.
  • Okay, so this David character is pretty much Ash, but is not actually named Ash. His little sister Mia is pretty much Cheryl, only she’s trying to kick a drug problem, hence the retreat to the cabin. I really like that added touch. A much better reason for the trip than simply wanting to get away for a weekend to a creepy-ass cabin in the woods. This is growing on me.
  • THE CLASSIC MAKES AN APPEARANCE!!!!
  • They find the book in the basement, as well as the burnt remains from the opening of the film. In yet another excellent decision, there’s no audiotape from the original movie. I like how they’re consciously avoiding anything and everything iconic from the original film. A really solid idea on the filmmaker’s part.
  • A passage from the book (which wisely doesn’t look much like the book from the original series) is read and the shit starts to hit the fan. I’m really liking the deeper meaning here in that this can all be traced back to Mia’s withdrawal and drug addiction. You don’t often see remakes adding meaning or depth to films.
  • I’m really enjoying how much more of the book you see in this film.
  • Even though they hinted at it in the trailers, I’m still shocked they kept the tree rape scene in the film. Though they also introduced this “Evil Mia” double character, which again plays nicely into the running allegory about drug abuse.
  • I’m constantly being surprised by how smartly the filmmakers are side-stepping everything iconic about the original film. The creature design is totally different, with the white contacts from the original totally being abandoned. The possessed’s voices are much deeper than the original and, so far at least, none of them have promised to “swallow your soul”. Thumbs up all around.
  • Ah, now they’re actively fucking with fans of the original film. There’s totally a scene that makes you think there will be a possessed hand running around the cabin like in Evil Dead II, but alas, it’s all an elaborate rouse. Again, very smart.
  • I’m sitting here and thinking that this is exactly how you remake a classic horror film. I wrote about this a while back for Bloody Good Horror, and it’s amazing how well Evil Dead is fitting the mold I proposed in that article. The filmmaker’s knew there was no way they’d be able to out-Bruce Campbell Bruce Campbell, so they didn’t even try. They boiled the Ash character down to it’s essence and created the character of David. All the iconic visuals and sounds are gone, with no attempt to replicated them (which is a great idea, because the “we’re gonna get you” part in the trailer is terrible and immediately draws comparisons to a scene that this film was in no way going to be able to surpass). As a result, this feels like a full-realized story that just happens to fit in the Evil Dead universe. I approve of this. Immensely.
  • I really enjoyed this, so I’m not going to spoil anymore. Go see this. Trust me.
  • Groovy.

In addition to Goodspeed & Poe, Angelo writes/podcasts about the NBA for I GO HARD NOW, covers the Cavaliers at Fear the Sword, and ocassionally writes about horror films for Bloody Good Horror. He lives in his native Cleveland with his Netflix account and PlayStation.

sb_shot5l

Some Brief Thoughts While Watching Silver Bullet

Brief Thoughts is a recurring segment here at Goodspeed & Poe in which our writers bring you their deepest, darkest, and mostly unfinished thoughts while watching a film that is otherwise not interesting enough to warrant a deeper post. And with that brief introduction, let’s get to today’s film, 1985′s Stephen King/Gary Busey werewolf flick, Silver Bullet.

  • Oh hey, this movie starts with Lou from Major League getting decapitated by a werewolf. That’s a promising start.
  • It then segues into a kid with some sort of gasoline powered, wheel-chair/motocross bike hybrid thing hanging out with his drunk Uncle played by Gary Busey. That’s… puzzling.
  • And then the werewolf climbs up the side of a house to break into a bedroom window. That’s also puzzling.
  • Apparently this werewolf doesn’t know it’s a werewolf and has instead taken to killing people in very un-werewolf like ways. Such as exploding from underneath a greenhouse floor and stabbing someone in some wood. Or by attacking them from underneath the cover of fog. Something tells me they didn’t have the budget to actually make a werewolf movie, yet tried to do so anyways.
  • Yeah, that’s absolutely what they did.
  • How has Stephen King made so many movies when they’re almost all terrible?
  • Oh my God. The church scene.
  • Oh, so the family in this movie let an alcoholic Gary Busey build their child suped-up, gasoline powered wheelchairs that look and funcition like motocross bikes. That makes a lot of sense.
  • Oh, and they also let him hang out with him and give him fireworks to fight werewolves. That also makes a lot of sense.
  • So this kid blows Werewolf Priest’s eye off with a firecracker and then proceeds to start mailing him passive aggressive notes suggesting that he should kill himself. Sounds like a cool kid.
  • My thoughts exactly, Werewolf Priest.
  • Finally, the movie wraps up with a climatic battle between Werewolf Priest and Gary Busey. It was everything I had hoped it would be.
  • Yeah. That was pretty awful. Glad that’s over.

In addition to Goodspeed & Poe, Angelo writes/podcasts about the NBA for I GO HARD NOW, covers the Cavaliers at Fear the Sword, and ocassionally writes about horror films for Bloody Good Horror. He lives in his native Cleveland with his Netflix account and PlayStation.

tumblr_mbr5iw6xsV1qftiq8o1_1280

Some Brief Thoughts While Watching Cobra

1

Brief Thoughts is a recurring segment here at Goodspeed & Poe in which our writers bring you their deepest, darkest, and mostly unfinished thoughts while watching a film that is otherwise not interesting enough to warrant a deeper post. And with that brief introduction, let’s get to today’s film, 1986′s Sylvester Stallone classic, Cobra.

  • I don’t know how the hell I’ve gone almost 27 years without watching this movie before, this is incredible right from the opening Stallone mumble-monologue.
  • The opening scene in the grocery store is pretty much the NRA’s dream for the future of America. After watching this, I’m strangely alright with that.
  • I think I’ve finally found a way to top my “Bennett from Commando” Halloween costume from a few years ago. Aviators, leather jacket and gloves, match in my mouth, pistol with a painted cobra. That’s a costume.
  • So wait, let me make sure I understand this, the villain of this film is actually a cult of ax murders that live in the sewers and regularly meet to clink axes togethers around garbage fires? This might just be the greatest film ever made.
  • AND THE LEAD PSYCHO IS THE ALIEN BOUNTY HUNTER FROM THE X-FILES!? THIS IS THE GREATEST FILM EVER MADE!
  • “Night Slasher” sounds like the name of an awesome 80′s synth band.
  • There are a few times now where Cobra’s made a big deal out of eating only organic, healthy foods, yet the only thing he actually consumes in this film is a warm can of Coors during a shoot-out and a slice of pizza eaten off of a bowie knife. And he has a neon Pepsi sign in his apartment. Odd.
  • I won’t spoil it, but yes there’s a reason why he walks around with a match in his mouth and yes, it’s freakin’ awesome.
  • This is it. This is Stallone’s greatest film. Although, I’m not sure I can really say that without ever having watched Over the Top

In addition to Goodspeed & Poe, Angelo writes/podcasts about the NBA for I GO HARD NOW, covers the Cavaliers at Fear the Sword, and ocassionally writes about horror films for Bloody Good Horror. He lives in his native Cleveland with his Netflix account and PlayStation.

 

t0LyzisNidtm0gjTGWTaQ5WAIGR

Some Brief Thoughts While Watching Cliffhanger

Brief Thoughts is a recurring segment here at Goodspeed & Poe in which our writers bring you their deepest, darkest, and mostly unfinished thoughts while watching a film that is otherwise not interesting enough to warrant a deeper post. And with that brief introduction, let’s get to today’s inaugural film, 1993′s Cliffhanger, starring Sylvester Stallone.

  • The opening sequence, in which Sylvester Stallone’s character, Gabriel Walker, fails to save a stranded climber and accidentally drops her and sends her plummeting to a violent death has no absolutely no bearing on the rest of the film.
  • Related, I’m pretty sure that Sylvester Stallone plays a guy named Gabriel in at least 50% of his movies.
  • John Lithgow is the worst villain ever, and his accent is slightly less ridiculous than Nicolas Cage in Vampire’s Kiss and Tommy Wiseau in The Room.
  • I will never be able to look at Michael Rooker without thinking of Merle in The Walking Dead.
  • Actually, this movie would be substantially better if Michael Rooker’s character had a knife hand like Merle does.
  • This movie could also be called Carabiner: The Movie.
  • Why the hell am I watching this instead of Cobra?

In addition to Goodspeed & Poe, Angelo writes/podcasts about the NBA for I GO HARD NOW, covers the Cavaliers at Fear the Sword, and ocassionally writes about horror films for Bloody Good Horror. He lives in his native Cleveland with his Netflix account and PlayStation.