First of all, forget that awful Adam Sandler/Damon Wayans buddy-cop film called Bulletproof that came out in the mid 1990′s. I am not, nor do I suspect I ever will be, talking about that film. However, I will talk at length about the late 1980′s action thriller called Bulletproof, primarily because it stars a one Mr. Gary Busey. That’s right, Bulletproof is a ridiculously over-the-top action film starring Gary fucking Busey. Excuse my language, but I get excited when talking about this film as it’s exactly as awesome as you would hope an action movie starring Gary Busey would be. Case in point, these awesome scenes which belong in the pantheon of great one-liners in film history:
Let’s dissect, shall we?
- First of all, that’s Danny fucking Trejo. Danny Trejo’s usually the one dropping the one-liner, not the one getting it dropped on him. Just the fact alone that Gary Busey is getting to show up Danny Trejo would earn this it’s spot in the pantheon.
- Gary Busey’s character is a cop named McBain that takes on South American terrorists. You know who’s also a cop named McBain that takes on South American terrorists? This guy:
- Bulletproof is rated R, as evidenced by Trejo dropping an f-bomb in this scene. Despite the fact that Busey could have very easily called Trejo an asshole as it is not only permitted by the film’s rating but makes complete contextual sense, Busey calls Trejo a “butthorn”, which is quite literally the opposite of an asshole. Also, it has to be a word that Gary Busey improvised or pushed hard to get used. Normal people just don’t come up with shit like that. People like Gary Busey do.
- It should also be noted that Gary Busey leaps from the ceiling of a factory to the ground unharmed and then goes onto kill Danny Trejo in less than 30 seconds, while wearing Dockers. Dude doesn’t even blow out the crotch. I’d like to see Arnold try that.
Now, that scene alone would be enough to get Bulletproof into the awesome one-liner hall of fame. Luckily for us though, there’s more:
- Yup, he calls them “butthorns” again. Still awesome.
- After calling them “butthorns”, Gary Busy quickly ices the three commandos (each of which has an assault rifle and are standing on a jeep with a heavily caliber machine gun) with a goddamn uzi.
- I should also note that the uzi in question is silenced, meaning Busey could have easily killed them stealthily from afar, yet made the conscious decision call attention to himself prior to ending their lives.
- And he did that just to call them “butthorns”.
So yeah, Bulletproof, is in the pantheon of great one-liners not once, but twice. How do you feel about that, Gary?
In addition to Goodspeed & Poe, Angelo writes/podcasts about the NBA for I GO HARD NOW, covers the Cavaliers at Fear the Sword, and ocassionally writes about horror films for Bloody Good Horror. He lives in his native Cleveland with his Netflix account and PlayStation.